Choices Made from Fear
by Pencelyn
Summary: First Fan fiction, the events of that night in Port Angeles frighten Bella, enough to make her wary of Edward. The conversation between them never occurs, she goes home with Jess and Angela and vows to stay out of the mythical world around her.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright everybody, I first of all want to tell you this story is in no way a slander of Stephanie's work, but like all fan fiction out there, it is a alternate perspective. So please keep an open mind and don't be too harsh in your reviews (it is my first try after all). =) the first chapter here is a little bit of a back track before the plot unfolds.**

**I hereby claim no rights or privileges towards the twilight saga or any of its characters or scenarios, because if I did, a mob of scented candle and wooden stake wielding twihards would disembowel me along with the hefty legal suit I would be presented with by Mrs. Meyer.**

Chapter 1

BPOV

_This is it _I thought to myself. They're going to kill me right here and now, these men, crazed and drunken by the looks of it. What was there left to do but cower. No, I had to do something, scream, fight, anything but my throat was already beginning to clench up in terror. "stay away from me." I forced the words out of my mouth, wanting then to sound forceful instead sounding timid. There was no way I'd be able to push a scream past my lips.

"Doesn't be like that, sugar," one of them said in a cocky voice, coming from the blond one to the left. They got closer, tightening their circle, backing me further into the wall of the warehouse behind me. Momentarily the thought of running slipped into my mind only to be quickly dismissed, then perhaps pleading or begging. No, that would only make things worse. Nerves shaken I resigned myself to what was about to happen. I wouldn't make it easy; on the contrary I would give it every ounce of fight I had in me. It wouldn't matter much anyways. I slipped my purse into my fist, ready to swing at the first opportunity, but that opportunity never came.

Around the corner came the sound of screeching tires and roaring engine. Headlights blared towards us, illuminating the alleyway. A split second before impact the car swerved wheels skidding, swinging the rear tires to clip two of the men and topple them to the ground. The remaining two backpedaled away and fell to the ground. The passenger door flung itself open and from inside came the snarl of "get in."

I did. It took me a second or two to place the voice seeing as I had never heard it apart from its' smooth and easy cadence. Edward, dimly lit face contorted in rage, put the car in reverse and sped out onto the brighter streets nearer to the center of Port Angeles. "Put on your seatbelt," he growled at me, his words still saturated with anger. I glanced at him as he gripped the steering wheel, Edward Cullen. I chilled. Last night's research had proved him to be just as capable of doing me harm, if not more so, than those thugs back in the alley. Truly he was beautiful, and he had begun to speak to me civilly, even offering to go with me to Seattle, but that changed little about who he, what he was. He gripped the wheel tighter, leather groaning.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Trying to gauge what exactly he was so enraged by. He snapped back at me denying my question.

"Bella?"

I started, his voice had lost a bit of its harshness, but it still seethed.

I looked at him, his face a tightly controlled mask and questioned him with my eyes. "Are _you _Okay?" I had to process that for a second. I had just been rescued from . . . well I didn't know what to call what happened in the alleyway, I was certain that those men had evil intentions, so I guess Edward had saved my life. . . again. So I nodded at him and turned ahead to look forward and wrapped my arms around my middle and pressed myself into the door of the car.

Rescued from mortal danger, now riding through the streets of Port Angeles in a car with something inhuman, had I been placed at greater risk now? Not twenty-four hours ago I felt certain, well as certain as myth could be, of what I needed to do concerning Edward. I glanced again at his face which had returned to a clenched mask of barely contained rage. No, it wasn't safe for me here in this car, albeit I was probably better off here than back in the industrial area with those men, but I didn't want to stay. Not here.

"Jess and Angela will be worried if I don't show up at the restaurant," he looked at me mask temporarily cleared at the shaky dry quality of my voice. Resentment building before coming in check as his head whipped back to the windshield and the car turned to the busier parts of town. Within two minutes we were on Main St. pulling in front of La Bella Italia, where we had agreed to meet up for dinner. But I hadn't even mentioned where to go, he just knew, my suspicions solidified and I shuddered.

"They're inside," he said then paused, gritted his teeth and added, "Will you be alright with them, or do you want me to stay?" I shook my head ad he gripped the wheel harder. I unbuckled the seatbelt and felt blindly for the door handle in the deepening twilight, then sucked in a breath as he reached past me to open the door. I stepped out catching my foot on the curb to stumble a step, teeter on the edge of falling only to be steadied by a pair of frigid hands. Already knowing I looked up into his face, then back down, wanting more than anything to get inside, to forget the terrible events of tonight.

He let me go, and before I could turn around the car purred to life, and sped off into the darkness.

I stepped into the restaurant and was directed by a hostess to the table where Jessica and Angela were sitting scraping their plates. Jess saw me first and loudly exclaimed "where have you been? We've been so worried!" I sat down in one of the two empty seats and ordered a glass of cola, hoping to get some of the dryness in my throat. Jessica grew impatient and asked again what had kept me. But I could feel the shock of the night fading my control slipping so in a rush I croaked out that I needed to use the restroom.

Once in a stall I broke down, sobs breaking out between my lips, tears welling out of my eyes. It took me a full five minutes to quiet the sobs, and another five to stop crying. But eventually I pulled it together and cleaned myself up. Angela was waiting at the table, she said Jessica had gone to pay the bill. She asked if I wanted them to wait while I got something but I told her I wasn't hungry, which was true I had no appetite.

The ride back to Forks was quiet, both girls talking about what to do before the dance, whose house to get ready at and so on. They dropped me off first Jessica waving and Angela giving me a worried look before saying goodbye. Once inside I slid against the door and sat on the welcome mat and gasped for breath. One of the evenings terrors I had left behind in Port Angeles, the other lived in Forks.

Galvanized by this thought I locked the doors front and back, latching the deadbolt and chain. Luckily Charlie was fast asleep on the couch and had missed my bout of hysteria. Next were the windows, I hoped some of the specifics of my research were true, particularly the ones about vampires needing to be welcomed into homes before entering them. For that was what Edward was, I was almost sure of it. After making the house as secure as I could without heavy equipment I roused Charlie and lead him up the stairs, to his room where he plopped on his bed still with his shoes on.

I took a shower—letting the warm water pour over me seemed as good a relaxation method as any—and changed into my pajamas, hoping for a few hours of sleep.

Fear and adrenaline kept that from happening. I sit in bed staring at the locked and curtained window till faint sunlight filtered in through the gap in the drapes.

Monday would be difficult, I knew I had to face Edward. I had to convey the conclusion that I had reached to him in person. I wanted to let him know that I was grateful for saving me, both from Tyler's van and those men last night, but I also wanted him to know that I knew what he was, what the Cullen's were, and to ask him to stay from me from now on.

"Stay away from me, Edward Cullen." I whispered to myself.

**Please submit ideas and reviews! Suggestions on where to take the story are greatly appreciated. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the comments and encouragement from the last chapter, it was like getting presents on Christmas morning! (it may be pathetic but its true). It's also like meth, I need more! Just got to have my fix! Hopefully there's more excitement in this chapter. Enjoy!

As usual I own none of the characters or plot settings of this work, which belongs to Mrs. Meyer.

Chapter 2

Saturday passed in an exhausted haze. No sleep combined with the trauma of the past couple of days had drained me. Charlie left early for work; I had to assume that the Forks law enforcement was completely understaffed to justify a high ranking officer going into work at seven on a Saturday morning. Like a good daughter, I made Charlie breakfast, surprising him with the fact that I was up so early. But in all honesty it was hard to not show my discomfort at being left alone.

After his cruiser pulled out of the driveway I tiredly checked all the locks again. Finding them secure I decided to give sleeping another try. I don't remember of I did sleep or if I just drifted on the edge of consciousness, none the less the next thing I knew Charlie was pulling up in the driveway to grab a bite during his lunch break. His none too quiet footfalls told me he was outside the front door, followed by the rattle of his key in the lock, then the sharp arrest of the door as the chain held the door locked four inches from the frame.

"Bella, why is the door chained shut?" he called up to me.

"Coming!" I hollered back, as I clumped town the stairs, still not fully aware of the surroundings. I slid rather than stepped down the last two steps, jarring my heel, causing me to hiss in momentary pain. That was enough to restore my faculties—at least somewhat—and I quickly unlatched the door. Charlie frowned at me with a puzzled look on his face, opened his mouth to speak then thought against it and headed for the kitchen. I headed for the couch thinking to distract myself with some television only to finally drift off into sleep two minutes into a re-run of _Friends_.

The horrifying cackle of a sales woman on an infomercial for the Magic Crockpot woke me up. It was dark outside and the clock on the DVD player flashed nine o'clock. My stomach growled. How long had it been since my last meal?

After making myself a sandwich. . . . or two, I crawled back into bed to try again at sleep.

Thankfully there were no dreams that night, or at least none I could remember the next morning. For the duration of the day I put my concerns to the back of my mind and concentrated on laundry and homework. I decided eventually that my calculus problems were as correct as they were going to get and unless I wanted to mop again there was no house work to do, so I tried picking an Austen from my bookcase only to find myself rereading paragraphs and getting lost on pages. Resigning myself to it I flicked on the television and settled on news, hoping to be distracted by the problems of the rest of the world. I was in for a rude awakening.

"Today in Portland, city officials hoisted a 1998 ford Neon out of the Columbia River, discovering the bodies of four Seattle-area residents," an attractive woman stated in a falsely grim tone. "The car belonging to a Mrs. Karen Roberts was discovered by local barge men early this morning. The bodies have been identified as Lonnie Roberts, Cole Hendricks, Steven Kirk, and Joseph McAblert. Speed and alcohol were likely factors in this tragic accident. Further investigations are. . ." I cut it off there. As the reporter read out the names the local news station showed photos of the crash victims. Three of their faces I might not have recognized, but the face of Lonnie Robert, the blond hair and cocky leer I recognized immediately. _Oh my god. . . _

He killed them. Edward killed the men who attacked me. I had no doubt in my mind that Edward had it in him to do something like that; after all I had seen the look in his eyes, the unquenched thirst for violence. I saw it burning in his eyes the moment I got into that car. I shuddered and closed my eyes hoping to repress what I had just heard.

It didn't work. I went through the motions of the rest of the day, saying hello to Charlie when he got home, ordering pizza after realizing that cooking was right at the bottom of the list of thing I wanted to do. I showered, brushed my teeth, and went to bed all while being stalked by the knowledge that tomorrow weather I liked it or not I would be sitting next to a murderer one who had an appetite for destruction and blood.

I slept fitfully, waking up to the blaring of my alarm clock and the smell of rain. Sunlight struggled to penetrate the dense cloud cover, giving the day an eerie dead look to it. As I got dressed I pondered skipping school and boarding a plane to Peru, or at least asking Charlie to call the attendance office to say I had the mumps and wouldn't be coming back to Forks High. Instead I squared my shoulders grabbed my bag and swept out of the house, only to sweep back in to grab my rain coat and ruin the dramatic exit I had worked up. The tardy bell was only a few minutes from ringing is I reluctantly urged my truck faster and pulled into one of the few remaining spots in the parking lot. Taking a deep breath I stepped out of the car glanced over both shoulders and jogged to class.

Just before entering English I caught a glimpse of him standing right outside the Spanish building, staring at me. Quickly I ducked into class and slid into my seat, receiving a frown from Mr. Berty for interrupting his instructions.

Pathetic as it was I had hoped the Cullens wouldn't show up today. That not being the case I had no choice but to confront Edward. Today.


	3. Chapter 3

Well everyone I hope you haven't lost all faith in me, I do apologize for the delay in updating but it's been somewhat hectic around here. . . . So with no further ado here's chapter 3 as told form Edwards point of view. There's some backtrack but we should be back in a little while to the right chronological order.

Again I own nothing twilight related it's all Mrs. Meyer's.

Chapter 3 EPOV

I took me little time to find the miscreants who tried to harm her, and it was only the rational voice of Carlisle, who found me just before those dogs' lives were ended. He urged caution, knowing that I couldn't be stopped in my current state of rage. It slowed me down enough to fine the car they were using pack the unconscious mongrels into it and drive the putrid compact over the side of the narrows bridge and into Puget Sound. That task out of my mind I ran back to Bella's home—I had been sneaking into her bedroom for the past few nights, listening to her dream—as I drew near I could pick up the faint beating of her heart, closer I could hear her breath, erratic and rushed.

She was having another nightmare. She had been plagued with them for the past few nights, and it was beginning to worry me but of course she had a reason for them tonight. I climbed up the wood paneling of the house and hung from her window sill, there I perched looking in through the window to make sure she was in fact asleep. She was, so I gently put pressure on the window to open it. Nothing happened. Perhaps the hinges needed more oil? I pushed harder; only when the seal cracked under pressure did I realize Bella had locked it. That was odd, I had been inside through that window twenty times and not once had it been locked, but I needed to see her, I needed to know she was alright, I needed to be in that room! The door! There was a key under the eve so in a flash I had the deadbolt unlocked and twisted the knob slowly to keep the risk of discovery low. Before it caught I noticed the chain closed on the door. I cursed under my breath and ran to the back door, this lock too yielded to the spare key but the handle was locked.

Breaking in wouldn't be a problem, the flimsy aluminum handle or any of the windows would be easy to dislodge, but the evidence would take time to eradicate—more time than I had—and the resulting conversation wasn't one that I was prepared for. Seeing her would have to wait.

So I did. I found myself a perch in a high spruce about fifty yards from the house where I could see her sleeping fitfully. She rolled and tossed for about an hour before waking, the sun still far from rising. She looked exhausted; she jumped at the slightest noise. _She must still be shaken from last night._ As soon as that thought entered my mind the hatred for the men who so nearly hurt her flooded back only barely contained by the remembered fact that they were dead and being nibbled on by creatures just as foul as they were.

She stayed in her room for most of the morning doing little, which concerned me. After this she went about the house halfheartedly tidying. When Charlie came home to check on her she barely registered it till he asked her to join him for lunch. She watched television for a while before falling asleep, forgetting to lock the house more any more than she usually did so I took the opportunity to let myself in. being close to her quieted some of the monsters that were at war inside of me, all except the one who thirsted for her, but I pushed that to the back of my mind and concentrated on her; her breath, her scent, her heartbeat, all of these reassures me that there was something worth protecting. That is until the nightmares started.

Again she tossed on the couch moaning and occasionally muttering something. I attributed it to the near assault and rape that she had been subject to, or at least I did until she said my name. the first time she had said it had been a caress to my long dead heart, but this was a fearful cry. "Edward!" she had called out and for a moment I moved closer to comfort her. I reached out a finger to stroke her warm cheek but the second my skin came into contact with hers she flinched and kicked violently and shrieked in her sleep.

I went back outside after that.

I waited out the rest of the night in the thick bushes beneath their living room window and listened as she woke in the middle of the night and moved back into her bedroom.

"The police found the car," said a voice form behind me, "and Bella is going to find out in the morning."

"Hello Alice." I had been so preoccupied with Bella I hadn't even noticed her approach.

"Esme is worried, you should check in with her."

"I will, don't worry. I need to hunt before school anyways, I'll check in then." Alice nodded and gave a cautionary word before leaving. If Bella was going to learn what I had done I needed to prepare what I needed to say. I would have to tell her everything, well everything that pertained to her. . . . .


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everyone, here it is plain and simple: It's taken me so long to update specifically for the reason that I didn't want to, but now I do so here it is! Also I see that there have been a good number of hits to the story, that's awesome but I only have three reviews. Total. Can we please address that? Thanks! =)

I own nothing, its all Mrs. Meyers (apart from the somewhat original spin I added to it). Suck on that Stephanie!

Chapter 4 BPOV

I paid extra attention to the Lectures of my morning classes, wanting to focus on something other than confronting Edward Cullen, this proved somewhat difficult in calculus, seeing as Mrs. Aims only glanced over the lesson before handing us our homework which she gave the option of turning in at the end of class. Without much enthusiasm I focused on the work barely aware of how my other classmates took advantage of the optional deadline to talk or play cards that seemed to materialize every time there was a free moment. Unfortunately it was a concept I understood so the work only lasted so long, leaving me with half an hour to sulk before lunch. Worse, Lauren Mallory was in this class and as she noticed me turn in the assignment she muttered, "Jeez, you'd think she'd at least try not to be such a freak." The girl sitting next to her giggled and glanced over at me, scoffed and flipped her hair, a move she clearly picked up from a bad movie.

I spent the rest of the period trying to get into my Bronte, only to find myself re-reading entire paragraphs. The story was interesting, I knew, this was the third time reading the book, but I would catch myself tapping my heel on the linoleum. The bell rang for lunch and I forced myself to move slowly as I gathered my books. I could just go to lunch with Jessica and Angela and Mike and everyone else, and put the weekend's events behind me but I knew all too well that these problems would solve themselves in ways that would stop any chance of normalcy I had left. Walking out side into the light rain, I turned toward the cafeteria and caught the eye of Edward.

I locked eyes with him for a moment then nodded my head to the side and began to walk toward the parking lot. He followed after me warily. I made it to my truck without once looking back and climbed into the cab, unlocking the passenger side door. I leaned my head forward letting my hair cover my face as the door clicked open and he slid in next to me.

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked me, seemingly innocently. When I didn't answer he continued, "its really not healthy for someone like you to skip meals. You'll get sick or anemic or. . . ."

"Someone like _me_?" I questioned hotly, "You mean someone _human_?" that stopped him cold. I turned to meet his stare. His eyes seemed to be trying to tunnel into mine, and I shivered. He broke away and took a light tone, trying to bring the conversation to someplace lighter.

"You have more theories for me?" He smiled but something was off about it. He was shaken. "Because your last ones were entertaining to say the least," He chuckled.

I had to do this, Edward needed to hear what I had been thinking for the last few nights.

"Vampire," I blurted out.

His breath froze, as did mine. I suddenly regretted not doing this in the cafeteria, where there were witnesses. . . .

"Bella, I don't think you know what your talking. . . ."

"Don't try that with me," I whispered, "I know what you are. I know what you all are. And before you say anything else I wanted to. . . . to thank you. I owe you my life, but that doesn't mean that you can have it." He opened his mouth to say something but closed it after I gave him a look indicating I wasn't finished. "I want to make it clear that your secret is safe with me, you deserve that much, and that I want nothing to do with you ever again." An emotion passed across his face before he could compose his face. After reassembling his mask he nodded. "So that's it." I moved to open my door but he grabbed my shoulder.

"No, that's not it." He transitioned from solemn to determined in the span of a heartbeat. "Bella I don't think you understand the situation we're in." He paused for a moment. "Did you once stop to think why I saved your life all those times, why I didn't just stand by to watch you be. . . . Hurt by those men; watch you crushed by that van?" again he stopped to collect his thoughts. "Bella I did it because I. . . "

"Stop." I looked away. "Edward it's you who doesn't understand, I don't want any part of this, I don't want to be here, in danger, either from you or whatever else might be lurking up here to find and kill me!" He flinched. "Please just leave me alone." My voice cracked on the last word and I could feel the tears, born from fear and the close proximity to this most prominent nightmare.

"Bella I just. . . ."

"_LEAVE!"_ I cried at him, tears now streaming down my face. Edward looked at me for a long second, shocked by my reaction. Slowly, he opened the door and stepped out, looked back at me, and he looked . . . broken. Almost like he was hurt by what I had said. This was barely registered, as was the whispered and broken, "goodbye, Bella" he gave me before closing the car door. I didn't see him leave, of course not, he moved too fast for me to see even without tears blurring my vision. I did however catch a glimpse of someone looking at me from under the cafeteria awning. Alice stood there staring in my direction before slowly turning, glancing again over her shoulder, and walking back inside.

. . . . . . .

I stayed in my truck for the rest of lunch and past the bell for biology. After forty-five minutes of staring listlessly out my windshield, silently crying with the relief of losing the tension I had held for nearly a week, I twisted the keys in the ignition and headed home to talk to Charlie. I wouldn't stay in Forks.

I couldn't stay.

There it is, again please review! Critique, good or bad, is the air I breathe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again. How is everybody out there? Good? Good. So I first of all want to apologize for the delay I'm not really sorry but it still seems like the polite thing to do. **

**Lilartist, you definitely are the best reader I've had so far and I want to thank you for that. The rest of you (and I know there are at least fifty of you) are really disappointing. As usual Stephanie Meyer holds all ownership of the names: Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Charlie, Rosalie, Emit, Renee, Jacob, and Renesmee (chuckle). She also owns the town of Forks. (don't ask, she had to do a lot of "favors" to get that last one)**

**Chapter 5 EPOV**

Somewhere, deep down I knew she was right, I knew she had done the one thing that could keep her safe from me. This was the only way she would be alright, be normal, be able to grow up and live her life. . . live her life without me, without the constant danger that she might get a paper cut in my vicinity and have a raging vampire drain that life from her!

But why did doing the right thing , choosing the best way to keep her _alive_ feel like someone had punched a hole through my chest?

Running did nothing for the pain, if anything trying to work past it, to see the happy ending that Bella might, No, that Bella would have drove it into my mind more sharply. I had to get away from her, I had to force her out of my mind, leaving was the only way. She would stay in forks and live her life. She would go to college and meet someone and fall in love, she would love some weak human who had no idea how remarkable she truly was, and she would never spend another night in fear that some fairytale monster might sneak up on her and end her in the dead of night. She would become unremarkable. These were the thoughts that filled my head as the forests gave way to snowy stunted trees, then to freezing desert highlands where the world was flat and desolate.

It was dark now and before me lay a vast body of water, I suspected it to be the Hudson Bay but it seemed incredible that I could have run that far. Here I stopped, I sat by the black and still water of a tidal inlet and tried to push the thoughts of Bella out of my mind.

I watched the sun rise over the water and travel in an arc, never rising higher than a few finger widths above the horizon. With the light emerged the creatures that scraped a living out of the hard earth, foxes and small birds along with the occasional elk, all living in freezing temperatures with little or no moisture, and sparse vegetation.

A tiny twinge of pity for the animals here, foreign as it was, blossomed somewhere in my mind. They struggled for every meal, every day, for all of their lives. That was it, why should I let Bella go? Why couldn't I stand aside, be invisible to the best of her knowledge, but still keep her safe, make sure she would never have to suffer or struggle? I would leave school, convince my family to leave as well, after all they owed me as much, and stay behind to watch over her. She could live her life without fearing death and I could still have her.

It would be difficult to convince the others especially Rosalie, who had been against my involvement with Bella from the start. It would be harder still now that she knew without a doubt what we were. Jasper wouldn't allow a risk like that unless we were planning to either kill her or change her, two things I would never allow.

I stood and looked around me at the barren plain, at the desolation of it. Now that I saw a way to keep he and not put her in danger I would never leave, she would never know it but I would make sure she was happy, and healthy, and eventually, perhaps, I would be able to leave her with the knowledge that she would never want for anything, that she would be safe. I hoped selfishly that she never would be safe, that she would always need me.

The day ended after a short four hours, the dawn progressing seamlessly into twilight without the harsh brightness of day to expose the things that best stay in shadow.

As I ran home the pain eased and the thought that I would be able to see Bella every day, protect her, fulfill at least some of her needs without her cringing away from me, or shudder away from my touch comforted me. But at the same time I would never be able to touch her, talk to her, be with her the way my heart called me to be with her. It would be difficult to be nothing more than a bystander in her life but faced with the other option, to leave her or worse to watch as my family killed her to protect us—this thought added speed to my run, perhaps they had already decided to do just that—I would accept what I could get.

She would stay safe, and she would be happy, and I would watch and protect and nothing more.

**Short chapter I know but I'm not a fan of writing dialogue and the next scene would have been a lengthy meeting with the Cullens, which I am sure you can imagine for yourselves. **

**Review, or else!**

**(By "or else" I mean I won't want to write for a while and I may slip into a suicidal depression where the next chapters will be nothing but: January, February, March. . . . One month per chapter. Sound familiar?)**


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